URGENCY EMERGENCY!

***

We went on vacation and had a great time

Til one day at lunch we were ready to dine

My wife ordered soup; I got salad with kale

A mistake that hours later made my stomach bail

Sadly it happened at the very worst time

I was trapped like a rat on the subway line!

Had to wait for our stop to get off of the train

To release the pressure! Gastronomical pain!

The rumblings down under had started to grow

Wife pretended that me she did not even know

The bloating, the gas, the imminent blast

Lord help us all, I hoped I could last

Moaning and groaning and rubbing my belly

Which famously shook like a bowl full of jelly

I was squiggling, and squirming, and suffering so

How long would it be before I had to go???

My eyes bulged out as I started to gasp

Like a woman in labor, I had something to pass

I needed a bathroom, and I needed it NOW!

I was not kidding! OH WOW!! HOLY COW!!!

Other riders began to start moving away

Even my wife could not help but to stray

Having little desire to be near that man

Of my wiggling and writhing, she was not a big fan

Wide-eyed in terror, the others had fled

Wondering what this poor man had been fed

Afraid that the sight, and the sound, and the strife

Might actually scar their young children for life

The rumblings continued; they started to grow

The buildup of gas was now ready to blow!

Then suddenly it changed! It took form as a BELCH!

But this was a belch that I just could not squelch!

Enormous in size and shattering in power

Unlucky riders on the subway that hour

From the depths of my gut, it started to form

A belch so momentous, like a gathering storm

Then BOOM!! It exploded in the mass transit car

It rattled the windows both near and both far

A seismic event of a true gastric fail

Because of a salad that featured bad kale

Just at that moment, my big wish came true

The doors slid wide open as if right on cue

At last, we’d arrived; we were now at our stop

Spouse wobbled away like a slow-spinning top

I stepped on the platform, released from the train

The passengers cheered; they could not refrain

They were rid of the man with whom they’d been cursed

Mostly they were grateful my insides had not burst

But as I walked away, there was a sudden sharp pain

A CRAMP! OH NO! It was happening again!

I broke into a sprint; the race was now on

For the elusive bathroom, my dignity gone

I will spare you the rest of this grisly tale

But there’s a lesson to learn; DON’T EVER EAT KALE!!