We went on vacation and had a great time
Til one day at lunch we were ready to dine
My wife ordered soup; I got salad with kale
A mistake that hours later made my stomach bail
Sadly it happened at the very worst time
I was trapped like a rat on the subway line!
Had to wait for our stop to get off of the train
To release the pressure! Gastronomical pain!
The rumblings down under had started to grow
Wife pretended that me she did not even know
The bloating, the gas, the imminent blast
Lord help us all, I hoped I could last
Moaning and groaning and rubbing my belly
Which famously shook like a bowl full of jelly
I was squiggling, and squirming, and suffering so
How long would it be before I had to go???
My eyes bulged out as I started to gasp
Like a woman in labor, I had something to pass
I needed a bathroom, and I needed it NOW!
I was not kidding! OH WOW!! HOLY COW!!!
Other riders began to start moving away
Even my wife could not help but to stray
Having little desire to be near that man
Of my wiggling and writhing, she was not a big fan
Wide-eyed in terror, the others had fled
Wondering what this poor man had been fed
Afraid that the sight, and the sound, and the strife
Might actually scar their young children for life
The rumblings continued; they started to grow
The buildup of gas was now ready to blow!
Then suddenly it changed! It took form as a BELCH!
But this was a belch that I just could not squelch!
Enormous in size and shattering in power
Unlucky riders on the subway that hour
From the depths of my gut, it started to form
A belch so momentous, like a gathering storm
Then BOOM!! It exploded in the mass transit car
It rattled the windows both near and both far
A seismic event of a true gastric fail
Because of a salad that featured bad kale
Just at that moment, my big wish came true
The doors slid wide open as if right on cue
At last, we’d arrived; we were now at our stop
Spouse wobbled away like a slow-spinning top
I stepped on the platform, released from the train
The passengers cheered; they could not refrain
They were rid of the man with whom they’d been cursed
Mostly they were grateful my insides had not burst
But as I walked away, there was a sudden sharp pain
A CRAMP! OH NO! It was happening again!
I broke into a sprint; the race was now on
For the elusive bathroom, my dignity gone
I will spare you the rest of this grisly tale
But there’s a lesson to learn; DON’T EVER EAT KALE!!