THE MAN COLD! SUFFERING UNTOLD!

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Woke up in the morning; something was wrong

I knew it was starting, coming on strong

My throat was scratchy. My nose was all runny

My head was so stuffy; it made me feel funny

OH NO! Despair! It was happening now!

Needed the courage to get better somehow

Told spouse I was sick, that I could not get up

She rolled her eyes. “Suck it up, Buttercup!”

Staggered to couch and stretched out in PJs

Where I happily stayed for the next seven days

I needed relief. My throat had a tickle

Ice cream would do. My FAV! Butter brickle

Never coughed so hard in all of my life

“Stop clearing your throat!” Complained my wife

My sneezing was vicious and out of control

Both times that I sneezed took a heartbreaking toll

Was trying to relax when I got such a start

Shock to my system – skipped beats with my heart

Suddenly had shivers that I could not make stop

Big glob of ice cream dropped down PJ top

Misery raged on. I developed a fever

Skeptical spouse was a staunch disbeliever

Like a bun in the oven, I was more than well-done

Thermometer had spiked to 99.1

My life flashed before me. I was now gravely ill

Wife said, “You have the SNIFFLES! Just take a pill.”

Little does she know how sick I’ve become

Eaten so much ice cream my throat has grown numb

Took all kinds of medicine to find sweet relief

An attempt to feel better – no matter how brief

Throat lozenges, cough drops, and new nasal spray

“Men are such babies!” is all spouse would say

I was a brave little soldier while trying to be strong

Whimpering and whining as I struggled along

Though wife claimed I was a big pain in the – ALAS!

The part of the body that rhymes with the word brass

Out of patience, she said, “Enough of this crap!”

As I was about to stretch out for a nap

“You are going to do chores! Get off of the couch!”

My bride was no nurse. She was more of a grouch

Convinced that my illness was not really bad

Compared to what mothers endured – made her mad

“Men have no idea what women go through!”

I’d heard it before, so I already knew

My spouse claims that childbirth is world’s greatest pain

But my cold was unpleasant! It was even a strain

Despite my testosterone-fueled pain threshold

Like with her labor – I SUFFERED from that cold!!

We both handle sickness in our own special way

Wife stays on her feet and works all through the day

But I am the opposite. At first sign of a chill

I go down for the count, and I make out a will!