Granny went for a drive, and she got herself lost

The directions for her trip had somehow got crossed

Ending up at the beach, she walked out in the sand

But what she saw there, she did not understand

Something was wrong. Something just was not right

Poor granny was shocked! Oh, lord! What a fright!

As the old girl was staring, she started to twitch

All the people were NAKED, not wearing a stitch!


What a glorious view!

For innocent granny, a sweet dream come true!

There was nothing but skin! Not a tan line in sight!

Bare butts everywhere! They were shiny and bright!

But lord have mercy! Now how can this be?

There was no place to hide. Not a bush or a tree

She couldn’t believe it. This was wild NU-DI-TY

And oh, so exciting! It was like PU-BER-TY!

On granny’s wrinkled face was a lecherous grin

Thrilled to be witnessing such bold, brazen sin!

Fuzzy, flabby flesh was flapping in the breeze

And that made her wonder where they kept their keys!

Sunburns in places that should never see sun

Their buns were bright red. They were cooked and well done!

A rude and crude sight as she watched a guy squat

Never seen a tattoo in exactly THAT spot!

Some men had hair on their backs you could braid

But no hair on their heads to keep scalps in the shade

Frisbees were thrown with much wiggling and jiggling

Made dear old granny start sniggling and giggling

There’s way too much swagging, and slagging, and sagging

There’s out of shape bodies that don’t deserve bragging

Not every poor soul’s physique is worth showing

But they have no clue. They’re nude without knowing!

There were derrieres, butt cheeks, backsides, and hineys

Patooties, and bottoms, and rear ends – NOT tiny!

There was many a full moon on open display

That had spent too much time at the restaurant buffet!

Wherever she looked, there were freckles galore

Psoriasis, prickly heat, bunions, and more!

Cellulite, stretch marks, and varicose veins

Age spots, and rashes, and unexplained stains!


Buck naked! On view without proper attire

Birthday suits were all wrinkled! An iron they require

Sand sculptures that granny was happy to inspect

With no defects to detect –


An errant beach ball landed right at her feet

Picked up by a muscle-bound guy – an athlete!

As he stooped over, she resisted a TWEAK

But her glasses steamed up as she got a free peek!

But soon, it was time to leave all of the fun

Couldn’t wait to come back because she was NOT done

So granny took off with a hoot and a squeal

Knowing on her next visit –