Churches are part of every community
People go there as they’re seeking immunity
From all the bad things that they did and have done
When joyfully having so much wicked fun!
Congregation has gathered, they’re looking their best
It’s important to them that they’re all nicely dressed
Hoping they’re noticed, wearing all their fine clothes
Is vanity a sin? Maybe a small one. Who knows?
Little old ladies keep track of each sinner
Who needs forgiveness before the church dinner
They know the people with evil intent
It’s the ones who are happy that need to repent!
Want a sign from above to make a donation?
Like winning the lottery! Church has no taxation!
But strange how this place always seems to be broke
Feel free to stop here and insert your own joke!
It’s time for the offering!!!
Uncle Bob eyes a TEN as the plate is passed by
Aunt Rose hisses him and frowns with a sigh
Next up are the hymns. Rose sings out with great glee
But Bob is hungover, so he is off-key
Folks looking at watches as sermon drones on
While losing the battle to stifle a yawn
Will this ever end? Too much coffee you had
Your bladder is bursting! You’ve got to go bad!
Stay awake is the challenge trapped in those hard pews
Designed so that you won’t be tempted to snooze
But it can still happen. The snoring soon starts
Only thing funnier – is if some lost soul farts!
AC is turned off. There is brimstone hellfire
Congregation feels guilty and starts to perspire
Adults who have sinned, filled with great apprehension
Know their favorite misdeeds the preacher will mention!
Church is about faith, and what you believe
But you sit in back, so that you’re first to leave!
The restaurant buffet is now calling to you
You want to chow down – to slurp, burp, and chew!
Into the baptistry, a woman is led
The minister speaks then he leans back her head
All sins washed away – along with her HAIR!
Her wig floated off! Don’t stare! Say a prayer!
Christenings and weddings and funerals galore
The only times some people pass through the door
Amazing how infrequently churchgoers GO
They talk a good game with that angelic glow!