Churches are part of every community

People go there as they’re seeking immunity

From all the bad things that they did and have done

When joyfully having so much wicked fun!

Congregation has gathered, they’re looking their best

It’s important to them that they’re all nicely dressed

Hoping they’re noticed, wearing all their fine clothes

Is vanity a sin? Maybe a small one. Who knows?

Little old ladies keep track of each sinner

Who needs forgiveness before the church dinner

They know the people with evil intent

It’s the ones who are happy that need to repent!

Want a sign from above to make a donation?

Like winning the lottery! Church has no taxation!

But strange how this place always seems to be broke

Feel free to stop here and insert your own joke!

It’s time for the offering!!!

(Dramatic pause)

Uncle Bob eyes a TEN as the plate is passed by

Aunt Rose hisses him and frowns with a sigh

Next up are the hymns. Rose sings out with great glee

But Bob is hungover, so he is off-key

Folks looking at watches as sermon drones on

While losing the battle to stifle a yawn

Will this ever end? Too much coffee you had

Your bladder is bursting! You’ve got to go bad!

Stay awake is the challenge trapped in those hard pews

Designed so that you won’t be tempted to snooze

But it can still happen. The snoring soon starts

Only thing funnier – is if some lost soul farts!

AC is turned off. There is brimstone hellfire

Congregation feels guilty and starts to perspire

Adults who have sinned, filled with great apprehension

Know their favorite misdeeds the preacher will mention!

Church is about faith, and what you believe

But you sit in back, so that you’re first to leave!

The restaurant buffet is now calling to you

You want to chow down – to slurp, burp, and chew!

Into the baptistry, a woman is led

The minister speaks then he leans back her head

All sins washed away – along with her HAIR!

Her wig floated off! Don’t stare! Say a prayer!

Christenings and weddings and funerals galore

The only times some people pass through the door

Amazing how infrequently churchgoers GO

But –

They talk a good game with that angelic glow!

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