The family reunion! Has it been a year?
My loved ones and dear ones have all gathered here
Relatives are present – a cause to rejoice?
It’s not like I chose them. I had little choice!
We’re elbow to elbow in one special place
And the tension is mounting as we’re face to face
Yes, we love our families. We know that is true
But with mine, it’s like being locked up in a zoo!
There are infants and toddlers, too many to recall
Honor students and dropouts lined up wall to wall
College grads in debt for the rest of their lives
Old guys with young women – glared at by ex-wives
Hey! There’s Uncle Bob. He’s still trying to stay sober
Though a day with this crowd just might push him over
It doesn’t take long til the struggle he’s losing
Too many relatives! He decides to start boozing!
With complainers and gripers, the crankiness reigns
Outdoing each other with their aches and pains
Comparing their ailments to see who is sicker
They bicker and fuss about who will die quicker
That’s NOT an argument that you want to win
But women point out they live longer than men
It makes the guys grumpy cause they will “GO” first
Genetically speaking, their gender is cursed!
Grandma is frowning at a pretty young thing
Who is covered with tattoos and has a nose ring
Over there is my nephew. He’s out on parole
Had a slight issue with the cop car he stole
The women are trying to not look their age
Cosmetic enhancement is now all the rage
Men’s waistlines expand as their hairlines recede
They’re bigger and balder! We all are agreed
Grandpa Ed tells a child, “Pull on my finger!”
He clears out the room as the gross odor lingers
Cousin with whoopee cushion has sneaky fun
Embarrassing his mother, who swears at her son
Among all the ladies, I spot my Aunt Rose
Who still hasn’t taken that wart off her nose
With a pointy black hat and long handle broom
Through the soft moonlight, she could fly and could zoom!
Snipping, and snapping, and snooping, and snarking
Full of snide insults, my kin all start barking
The gossip is flying with gusto and glee
While dear Uncle Bob guzzles all the Chablis!
Family dynamics are tricky at best
You have a few favorites, tolerate all the rest
Can’t wait until next year when we get the call –
For the annual reunion.
LORD HELP US ALL!!!