The family reunion! Has it been a year?

My loved ones and dear ones have all gathered here

Relatives are present – a cause to rejoice?

It’s not like I chose them. I had little choice!

We’re elbow to elbow in one special place

And the tension is mounting as we’re face to face

Yes, we love our families. We know that is true

But with mine, it’s like being locked up in a zoo!

There are infants and toddlers, too many to recall

Honor students and dropouts lined up wall to wall

College grads in debt for the rest of their lives

Old guys with young women – glared at by ex-wives

Hey! There’s Uncle Bob. He’s still trying to stay sober

Though a day with this crowd just might push him over

It doesn’t take long til the struggle he’s losing

Too many relatives! He decides to start boozing!

With complainers and gripers, the crankiness reigns

Outdoing each other with their aches and pains

Comparing their ailments to see who is sicker

They bicker and fuss about who will die quicker

That’s NOT an argument that you want to win

But women point out they live longer than men

It makes the guys grumpy cause they will “GO” first

Genetically speaking, their gender is cursed!

Grandma is frowning at a pretty young thing

Who is covered with tattoos and has a nose ring

Over there is my nephew. He’s out on parole

Had a slight issue with the cop car he stole

The women are trying to not look their age

Cosmetic enhancement is now all the rage

Men’s waistlines expand as their hairlines recede

They’re bigger and balder! We all are agreed

Grandpa Ed tells a child, “Pull on my finger!”

He clears out the room as the gross odor lingers

Cousin with whoopee cushion has sneaky fun

Embarrassing his mother, who swears at her son

Among all the ladies, I spot my Aunt Rose

Who still hasn’t taken that wart off her nose

With a pointy black hat and long handle broom

Through the soft moonlight, she could fly and could zoom!

Snipping, and snapping, and snooping, and snarking

Full of snide insults, my kin all start barking

The gossip is flying with gusto and glee

While dear Uncle Bob guzzles all the Chablis!

Family dynamics are tricky at best

You have a few favorites, tolerate all the rest

Can’t wait until next year when we get the call –

For the annual reunion.