SPORTS IN THE NUDE ARE RUDE!

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America loves sports. It’s what we’re all about

Our team is the best. Of that, there’s no doubt

But what if all sports were now played in the nude?

Ratings would shoot UP! As our eager eyes viewed!

An all-nude chess match would not be exciting

But watching nude hockey, now that could be frightening

Who knows where the highflying puck might end up

You’d be taking a chance by not wearing a cup!

There’d be nude volleyball while frolicking in sand

Watching plump derrieres that are pale and not tanned

In basketball, they’d leap and dunk with great flair

With hineys cheeks soaring! Look up if you dare!

Rodeo cowboy wearing spurs and a hat

Bucked off of a bronco – buck naked at that!

Nude horseback riding, one bounce you’re airborne

You’ve got to be careful! Watch out! SADDLE HORN!!

Winter sports in the nude are bitter and chilly

Frostbite in THAT spot would make you look silly

No mittens or gloves or long underwear

Not easy to slalom with your wazoo laid bare!

Nude swimming event is public skinny dipping

Gliding through water after you are done stripping

A leaping high dive without swimwear is brave

In all of your glory, you jump, grin, and wave!

Playing strip poker is a popular game

But not out in Vegas – there are cheaters they claim

A good hand of cards when it’s played in the buff

Makes it tough to bluff with no cards in your cuffs!

Nude baseball? It’s going to hurt when you slide

And if you are the catcher – there’s nowhere to hide

You are a target as you squat down and kneel

A foul tip in the groin and you ARE going to squeal!

Flag football in the nude would make anyone gag

Imagine where they will be sticking the flag!

Bowling without clothes? Stay out of the gutter

Nude golf? Hole in one! Keep your hands off your putter!!

When all the wrong parts start to wiggle and jiggle

Try as you might – you can’t help but to giggle

Perhaps sports are better when we remain dressed

Because –

Getting an eyeful is not always the best!!