America loves sports. It’s what we’re all about
Our team is the best. Of that, there’s no doubt
But what if all sports were now played in the nude?
Ratings would shoot UP! As our eager eyes viewed!
An all-nude chess match would not be exciting
But watching nude hockey, now that could be frightening
Who knows where the highflying puck might end up
You’d be taking a chance by not wearing a cup!
There’d be nude volleyball while frolicking in sand
Watching plump derrieres that are pale and not tanned
In basketball, they’d leap and dunk with great flair
With hineys cheeks soaring! Look up if you dare!
Rodeo cowboy wearing spurs and a hat
Bucked off of a bronco – buck naked at that!
Nude horseback riding, one bounce you’re airborne
You’ve got to be careful! Watch out! SADDLE HORN!!
Winter sports in the nude are bitter and chilly
Frostbite in THAT spot would make you look silly
No mittens or gloves or long underwear
Not easy to slalom with your wazoo laid bare!
Nude swimming event is public skinny dipping
Gliding through water after you are done stripping
A leaping high dive without swimwear is brave
In all of your glory, you jump, grin, and wave!
Playing strip poker is a popular game
But not out in Vegas – there are cheaters they claim
A good hand of cards when it’s played in the buff
Makes it tough to bluff with no cards in your cuffs!
Nude baseball? It’s going to hurt when you slide
And if you are the catcher – there’s nowhere to hide
You are a target as you squat down and kneel
A foul tip in the groin and you ARE going to squeal!
Flag football in the nude would make anyone gag
Imagine where they will be sticking the flag!
Bowling without clothes? Stay out of the gutter
Nude golf? Hole in one! Keep your hands off your putter!!
When all the wrong parts start to wiggle and jiggle
Try as you might – you can’t help but to giggle
Perhaps sports are better when we remain dressed
Getting an eyeful is not always the best!!