I’m losing my hair! Well – actually, it left!

It’s missing as though the result of a theft

I used to have bangs, but that ship has sailed

Because all of my faulty follicles failed

My hair has turned loose. It did not turn gray

But I don’t think I could ever wear a toupee

I’d live in fear of getting caught in a breeze

Chasing hair down the street with a huff and a wheeze

Don’t need a blow dryer. There’s nothing to dry

Long ago my hair said farewell and goodbye

It’s not coming back. There’s no hope of a chance

My noggin is polished. You can tell with a glance

How many people can a comb-over fool?

Do men really think that it makes them look cool?

Six inches of skin covered by just three hairs

No wonder folks stop, and they point, and they stare

There were strands in my eyes, but there’s nothing there now

See my dome in the mirror. It’s blinding! OH WOW!

Letting my hair down? Something I do not do

But I’m saving on mousse. Is that true for you?

Big money is made helping guys cut the glare

They’ll pay any price to hide where they’re bare

There are plugs and drugs that appeal to their vanity

Others shave heads to avoid the insanity

You can even make fake hair by using a spray

But don’t take a shower! Because it will not stay

All of the camouflage will wash down the drain

Destroying the illusion of your shaggy mane

“A receding hairline” is politically correct

But “bald as a cueball”, is far more direct

There’s more hair in my ears than on top of my head

If wife tries to trim them while driving, we’re dead!

HAIR RAISING excitement doesn’t happen to me

My scalp only tingles! Then I need to pee

Some men will obsess about the hair that they lack

Wondering why –

Though shiny on top, they must still shave their back

Being bald is neither a good thing nor bad

Most men just accept it. They do not get mad

But some try to keep their head under wraps

Ball caps are fine – but not caps with earflaps!

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