I’m losing my hair! Well – actually, it left!
It’s missing as though the result of a theft
I used to have bangs, but that ship has sailed
Because all of my faulty follicles failed
My hair has turned loose. It did not turn gray
But I don’t think I could ever wear a toupee
I’d live in fear of getting caught in a breeze
Chasing hair down the street with a huff and a wheeze
Don’t need a blow dryer. There’s nothing to dry
Long ago my hair said farewell and goodbye
It’s not coming back. There’s no hope of a chance
My noggin is polished. You can tell with a glance
How many people can a comb-over fool?
Do men really think that it makes them look cool?
Six inches of skin covered by just three hairs
No wonder folks stop, and they point, and they stare
There were strands in my eyes, but there’s nothing there now
See my dome in the mirror. It’s blinding! OH WOW!
Letting my hair down? Something I do not do
But I’m saving on mousse. Is that true for you?
Big money is made helping guys cut the glare
They’ll pay any price to hide where they’re bare
There are plugs and drugs that appeal to their vanity
Others shave heads to avoid the insanity
You can even make fake hair by using a spray
But don’t take a shower! Because it will not stay
All of the camouflage will wash down the drain
Destroying the illusion of your shaggy mane
“A receding hairline” is politically correct
But “bald as a cueball”, is far more direct
There’s more hair in my ears than on top of my head
If wife tries to trim them while driving, we’re dead!
HAIR RAISING excitement doesn’t happen to me
My scalp only tingles! Then I need to pee
Some men will obsess about the hair that they lack
Wondering why –
Though shiny on top, they must still shave their back
Being bald is neither a good thing nor bad
Most men just accept it. They do not get mad
But some try to keep their head under wraps
Ball caps are fine – but not caps with earflaps!