NO PAIN, NO GAIN IS INSANE!

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Some people are compelled to always workout

Trying to be fit is what they’re all about

Are you one of those? Or – are you more like me?

I’d rather snooze late, so please leave me be

Can’t see my feet, but I know they are there

They get me to snacks and back to my chair

I love my recliner. It’s my favorite place

To shovel those goodies straight into my face

I’m out of shape. That’s the way it will stay

A personal trainer? I’m not going to pay

Went to a gym, but I chose not to join

Because –

It took less than five minutes til I pulled my groin!

OUCH!!!

I once did a sit-up. That was more than enough

But it did NOT improve how I look in the buff

Soaking in sweat, I was aching and sore

And that made me grumpy. I’m sorry I swore

Interval, weight, and even strength training

All of that straining has got to be draining

Stationary bike? The choice is clear-cut

No scenery change and you get a sore butt

Leg-lifts, jumping jacks, lunges, and squats

Leaves my poor body tied up all in knots

Twisting, and pull-ups, and push-ups, and crunches

Forced to eat spinach and kale for my lunches

They say to do cardio. NO! NO! NO! NO!

I have little desire to get up and go

Don’t need to exercise on a track running laps

I work out my lungs snoring during each nap

But a locked bathroom door makes me want to dance

Gets my body moving in a dire circumstance

When my stomach first rumbles, I do take the hint

Only a digestive disaster can force me to sprint!

We know that our waistlines and backsides are growing

It’s beer guts and big butts that keep health clubs going

Try getting in shape? NO! I think I will pass

I really don’t care if I have a big –

Use your imagination!