There are TV commercials that make us all cringe

The ones that the channels now force us to binge

You can’t help but look. No, you can’t glance away

They force you to watch them on constant replay

It’s crude and obnoxious when we have to see

Solutions for ailments they sell with such glee

The potions, the lotions, the creams, and the pills

Designed to fix all of our dis-gust-ing ills

Such as –

Our digestive health. It’s a topic they hammer

Bloating, and gas, and cramping! Such glamour!

Constipation, diarrhea, the squirts, and the trots

Anything that ties up our system in knots

Crotches start itching! It happens without fail

But scratch it in public, and you’ll have to post bail

With that irritation, ads promise to help

But your loins are on fire, making you want to yelp!

That gross toenail fungus is like a bad dream

Your tootsies are gnarly! People see them and scream

Welcome in swimming pool, you will not be

Mothers grabbing small children and attempting to flee!

The ads claim our snoring is out of control

Missing out on your sleep can take quite a toll

To open your honker, use one breathing strip

But it’s a new problem if it starts to drip!

Allergies, sneezing with big globs of snot

Moist, green, and yellow – and I mean a lot

Nasal mucus discharge! Please turn off the spout

You will soon need relief for your poor leaking snout!

Their repulsive ads are aimed at bad smells

Deodorants for body odor! That always sells

We’ll pay any price to get rid of the funk

Big money is made off our stink, stank, and stunk!

If you have dry eyes, they may call you Blinky!

Men think you’re flirting if you get too winky

With a splish and a splash, eyedrops do the trick

Before you get hit on by some guy named Rick!

Billions of dollars are spent just on skincare

Hide blotches and blemishes so people won’t stare

Acne, and pimples, and too many zits

As you learned in high school, zits are the pits!

*And then there’s your hair!*

Advertisers know you’ll spend any amount

So they charge you full price without a discount

The cost for good hair gets steeper and steeper

If you shaved your head, it would be a lot cheaper

You need to pee! Bathroom constantly calls

Overactive bladder is like Niagara Falls!

The TV ads say their drugs will make you feel dry

Endless sprinting to toilets makes you want to buy!

Hemorrhoids! Good Lord! There’s itching and pain

(Butt!) That’s what you get whenever you strain

To seek quick relief is your greatest desire

The ads claim their ointment can put out the fire!

Our list of afflictions goes on without end

On the products the ads pitch – we are happy to spend

Cause we want relief, and we want it right now

Which means for TV advertisers –