***
With no sense of direction is how I was born
A trait that has often made my sweet wife mourn
I can often get lost in the blink of an eye
Which makes me a less-than-dependable guy
At a national park, we were taking a walk
Not listening to my bride though she does love to talk
I soon looked around, she was nowhere in sight!
How could I lose her in the broad daylight?
I was hopelessly lost for over two hours
Hot, tired, and thirsty, I was feeling quite dour
Trying to return to civilization
As my wife slowly filled with great aggravation
Found a dirt road, an old pickup appeared
Driven by a farmer with a scraggily beard
He stopped and asked if I needed a ride
Tired and sunburned – I swallowed my pride
With no room in front, he said, “Climb in the back.”
“You’ll ride with Boswell. He’s having a snack.”
I climbed over the tailgate and got a great shock
There was an ENORMOUS HOG! with giant ham hocks
At least 600 pounds of porky perfection
Chops, bacon, ribs – it was quite a selection
He was slurping up slop and covered in flies
I sat down quick and covered my eyes.
The stink, however, I could not block out
He was drenched in muck from his tail to his snout
The stench was disgusting, and the sight of him gross
Couldn’t wait to get out and bid him adios
But we rode together, my new friend and me
I kept swatting at flies that would not let me be
Then Boswell glanced over and shook his huge head
Showering me with filth, he was happy to spread
It was the worst! I was soaked in the stuff
He was snorting at me with a huff and a gruff
I was trapped with no chance of getting away
Sitting forlorn, covered in the swine’s spray
We bumped and bounced for many a mile
Tourist center was sighted. That made me smile
Hoped out, thanked driver, and headed on in
Met by my wife, exclaiming, “Where have you been?!”
I started to answer, but she’d backed away
“What is that odor?! Don’t move! Please stay!”
“Oh, that’s just Boswell. We shared a ride.”
Frowning, she said, “Smells like something has died!”
Thought about telling how I had to cope
But all that I wanted was a hot shower with soap
The love of my life had put it quite well
The way that I stunk had the power to repel
After getting cleaned up and a fresh change of clothes
My wife no longer had to cover her nose
So, my misadventure she wanted explained
But an idea had formed that she thought was harebrained
“I have a question.” Though the answer I knew
“What is it?” She asked, not having a clue
I took a deep breath and worked up my nerve
“Can we get a pet piglet?” I’d thrown her a curve
“I will not consider it!” she firmly replied
A porker in our home, she could not abide
“That will not happen!” declared my dear spouse
Then smiling, she said –
“YOU ARE THE ONLY PIG allowed in my house!”
Poetry At Play 