It seems we require almost constant medication
For embarrassing issues, it is our salvation
Pharmaceuticals focus on the word “chronic”
There are big bucks made with potions and tonics
Medicines can help you relax and stay calm
So, when children are present, you won’t drop the F-bomb
A toenail fungus can be far more than gross
Better stay out of the pool if you have a dose
Men desperately want more hair up on top
While women want their facial hair to all stop
One hoping to remove and the other to grow
A hairy situation that costs lots of dough
There are memory pills to help our recall
But too often, we forget to take them at all
There are even pills for overactive bladders
Every trip to the bathroom just makes you grow madder
Stiffness, and soreness, and achiness OH, MY!
Our joints need lubricating, so we can feel spry
In public, we have itching that worsens increasingly
Scratching THAT spot would be a case of indecency!
Dry eyes, and dry skin, and dry lips, and dry mouth
All of our body parts have now headed south
White teeth, strong enamel, gum disease, tooth decay
A multitude of products to help make choppers stay
Suddenly, without warning, hot flashes appear
Break into a sweat when it’s freezing! OH, DEAR!
Prostates and menopause are hardly poetic
Sorry I mentioned them. I am apologetic
You have a rumbling that’s way more than gas
Diarrhea! Good grief! You can’t let it pass!
Fast-acting stomach relief, you must seek
Before crisis occurs, and you spring a leak!
Even worse is a grim bout of bad constipation
It’s a clear-cut case of internal stagnation
The feeling of bloat is a deep heavy load
A laxative is needed before you explode
That’s followed by hemorrhoids that we all dread!
A subject on which very little is said
The burning, the itching, and even the pain
Don’t eat jalapenos. They’ll only inflame!
Unmentionable problems are something we share
Each one may seem dire – but just to be fair
They’re life’s little burdens that we all must live through
There’s no time for boohooing! Be a tough buckaroo!