***
Home repairs are the bane of existence
I try to avoid them with total resistance
Do it yourself, for me is no go
Don’t have the knowledge. Know what I don’t know
They claim you can save lots of money that way
But not with the cost of the hospital stay
I’m the first to admit how clumsy I am
Every job I attempt ends with Wham! Bam! and Slam!
I’m not a tool guy, so I can’t fix a thing
Makes matters worse with no talent to bring
If I work on a small leak, it’ll suddenly gush
I can make any toilet unable to flush
Dripping faucet in kitchen? I haven’t a clue
When I start to replace it, we need a canoe
Did not cut the power as I changed a blown fuse
Got a slight tingle – blew me out of my shoes!
Broken bones and stitches because I’m inept
My lack of grace, I’ve been forced to accept
Putting something together, some parts don’t belong
Manufacturer must have got everything wrong
Who writes the instructions? I don’t understand
It’s like a strange language from some other land
The diagrams are crazy. I can’t make them out
Leaving me puzzled. It’s THEIR fault no doubt!
But still, I persist through my lack of ability
Each failure achieved adding to my humility
Hope springs eternal is what they all say
Each job I approach, I hope turns out okay
But then –
I miss the nail and hit thumb with the hammer
The air fills with four-letter words as I yammer
I get a chainsaw and cut down a big tree
Falls on garage. Video makes news on TV
To give up my power tools, my bride thought was best
Convinced that with good skill, I had not been blessed
Disagreeing, I went out and bought a nail gun
Oh Boy! This was going to be loads of great fun!
However –
Nailed my shoe to a board, right through my big toe
I have to admit that it was a new low
Til it happened again!! Same toe two months later
Don’t think my embarrassment could have been greater
The most dangerous thing is to climb on the roof
That’s where you cannot afford a bad goof
Sometimes improvements are needed up there
I move around carefully while spouse stands and stares
When I get up high, my wife’s eyes grow wide
She can see dollar signs if I start to slide
Thinking of life insurance that she can spend
If from up on the roof – I head first descend
Fortunately, I make it down both safe and sound
She will not soon be rich. She is not Europe bound
So our lives will continue in a predictable way
When home repairs are required – I will save the day!!
Poetry At Play 