TRAVELING WOES! THERE ARE PLENTY OF THOSE!

***

Traveling together is a relationship TEST

Whether heading back east or going out west

My wife loves sightseeing – but I am no fan

I’m not a wanderer. I’m a stay right here man

That didn’t matter, spouse wanted to go

“We’ll have excitement!” I doubted it though

My kind of travel? From the couch to the fridge

Don’t want to step out, not even a smidge

Just a one-day adventure, and so we set off

Me fighting the traffic, wife tried not to scoff

My driving skills, she is convinced are lacking

And that compels her to engage in wisecracking

Of course, I got lost. It happens each trip

I took a shortcut, the directions I skip

We were passing by scenery that was not on a map

Ignored my bride’s pleas and phone’s GPS App

Whenever we travel – like to stay on the go

But my spouse wants to stop. “There’s no hurry, you know!”

She bought souvenirs from a tourist trap site

A pink ceramic moose that is really a night light

How lucky we were that they did have one left

But the price that they charged was like some kind of theft

It went into the closet, a valuable keepsake

Then with no night light, I broke a toe that still aches

Was driving along when my wife screamed, “Go back!”

Her yelling almost caused me a small heart attack

At the exit we’d passed, there was something to see

I could not imagine just what it might be

BUT AMAZINGLY –

It was the world’s SECOND largest ball of hair!

Which means there’s an even BIGGER ball somewhere

We took a quick photo. Our next Christmas card

Will be sent out to family with warmest regard

I continued to drive until my spouse declared

That she needed a bathroom! It was at me that she glared

I could tell by the gleam, the wild look in her eyes

To do what she said would be far more than wise

Sadly, my shortcut had led us to nowhere

No signs of life. Wife ready to swear

Not a bathroom in sight – only cows in a field

It was beginning to look like my fate was now sealed

Then around the corner, a beautiful sight

A one-stop shopping spot so shiny and bright

I pulled the car in, and I rolled to a stop

My spouse bolted out in a run and a hop

A few minutes later, I was forgiven

For all of the shortcuts that I had driven

My wife was relieved, in more ways than one

And, thankfully, our day trip was just about done

But on our way home, she mentioned vacation

Planning already for a summer location

How can this be? I’m feeling quite glum

We are retired!!! What’s it a vacation from???