THE COLONOSCOPY PREP TWO-STEP!

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There are unpleasant things about growing older

That we should be more than willing to shoulder

Colonoscopies are near the top of the list

“They save lives!” said my gastroenterologist

That is a word I thought I’d never rhyme

I guess for everything there is a first time

An important procedure, you should not put off

It’s just like, “Please, Sir, turn your head and now cough.”

Butt (intentional spelling!) let’s get to the fun

BOTTOMS UP! is the phrase that comes to my mind

First, however, you must prepare your behind

It takes drastic measures to clear the old deck

So the doctor will be able to inspect and to check

You drink down the “GO” juice, to make everything loose

The effect was quite shocking to my poor caboose

The biggest surprise was the immediate reaction

No standing around. You are a man of action!

That race for the bathroom is an Olympic event

My dignity and pride just got up and went

Sprinting and hurdling over the cat

Racing the clock – once in there – I sat

And sat! And sat!! And sat!!!

The worst gastric dilemma that has ever occurred

There’s been nothing like it that I have endured

Think of a firehose with you as the nozzle!

The only real rhyme is “post-menopausal” (I don’t get it either!)

The squeaks, and the squeals, and the giggling sound

The noises I heard are the worst ever found

It did not seem human, and that says a lot

Frozen in horror, thought I’d die on the pot

It sounded like thunder! Lightning flashed in my eyes

I wondered if I’d live to see another sunrise

The explosive nature of this medication

Made me consider either burial or cremation

It seemed like a misery that just had no end! (HA HA)

Don’t want to be graphic, don’t want to offend

But Lord have mercy, this was gruesome indeed

For some kind of relief, I started to plead

Just when things were looking most bleak

The faucet shut off – at least so to speak

Thank goodness! Salvation had arrived at last!

But a cheese sandwich from grade school I’m sure I had passed

Too much information!

Early next morning, the procedure was done

It wasn’t too bad, but I have had more fun

Certainly, it’s worth it for the sake of your health

Because, after all, that is your greatest wealth

So do not put it off. No, do not delay

Put on your running shoes, join the bathroom relay

You’ll squirm, and you’ll wiggle until the pains pass

It’s amazing what that drink can do to your – DON’T SAY IT!!