***
There are unpleasant things about growing older
That we should be more than willing to shoulder
Colonoscopies are near the top of the list
“They save lives!” said my gastroenterologist
That is a word I thought I’d never rhyme
I guess for everything there is a first time
An important procedure, you should not put off
It’s just like, “Please, Sir, turn your head and now cough.”
Butt (intentional spelling!) let’s get to the fun
BOTTOMS UP! is the phrase that comes to my mind
First, however, you must prepare your behind
It takes drastic measures to clear the old deck
So the doctor will be able to inspect and to check
You drink down the “GO” juice, to make everything loose
The effect was quite shocking to my poor caboose
The biggest surprise was the immediate reaction
No standing around. You are a man of action!
That race for the bathroom is an Olympic event
My dignity and pride just got up and went
Sprinting and hurdling over the cat
Racing the clock – once in there – I sat
And sat! And sat!! And sat!!!
The worst gastric dilemma that has ever occurred
There’s been nothing like it that I have endured
Think of a firehose with you as the nozzle!
The only real rhyme is “post-menopausal” (I don’t get it either!)
The squeaks, and the squeals, and the giggling sound
The noises I heard are the worst ever found
It did not seem human, and that says a lot
Frozen in horror, thought I’d die on the pot
It sounded like thunder! Lightning flashed in my eyes
I wondered if I’d live to see another sunrise
The explosive nature of this medication
Made me consider either burial or cremation
It seemed like a misery that just had no end! (HA HA)
Don’t want to be graphic, don’t want to offend
But Lord have mercy, this was gruesome indeed
For some kind of relief, I started to plead
Just when things were looking most bleak
The faucet shut off – at least so to speak
Thank goodness! Salvation had arrived at last!
But a cheese sandwich from grade school I’m sure I had passed
(Too much information!)
Early next morning, the procedure was done
It wasn’t too bad, but I have had more fun
Certainly, it’s worth it for the sake of your health
Because, after all, that is your greatest wealth
So do not put it off. No, do not delay
Put on your running shoes, join the bathroom relay
You’ll squirm, and you’ll wiggle until the pains pass
It’s amazing what that drink can do to your – DON’T SAY IT!!
Poetry At Play 