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DIET!!! A disgusting four-letter word!
One of the worst that we’ve ever heard
Don’t step on the scales. No, we do not dare
Gain weight in our sleep, and that just isn’t fair
We want to slim down. We want to be fit
We want to wear pants that don’t hurt when we sit
When summer arrives with the sunshine – it’s wrong
To appear, without dieting, in a tight thong
Donuts, and pastries, and cookies, OH MY!
Ice cream desserts and mouthwatering pies
We’d eat them all at our favorite buffet
If only our waistlines, it did not betray
While dieting – food is all we think about
When it finally ends, we are going to pig out!!
“I’ve lost two pounds!” To my wife, I did say
She replied, “Don’t worry. You’ll find them someday.”
We’re feeling light-headed. It must be starvation
We need a cheeseburger to be our salvation
A large side of fries and a soda to go
Do not tell your spouse. They do not need to know
The best thing to do on a diet is CHEAT!
Sneaking around to eat and repeat
Taking great care to ensure you’re not caught
With all of the goodies, you secretly bought
Hide in the car and enjoy a sweet treat
Be sure not to leave any crumbs on the seat
Locked in a closet with your candy stash
Just don’t come out with a chocolate mustache
Dieting is hard. The struggle is real
We’ve cut back each day to only FIVE meals
We’re snippy, and moody, and grouchy, and grumpy
We want mashed potatoes with gravy so lumpy
ALL YOU CAN EAT! Yes! We would like more
There’s pasta and pizza that we just adore
Calories pile up. They stack thick and high
There’s plenty of food to bake, broil, and fry
Celery or bacon? That’s one easy choice
Skip salad for barbeque ribs and rejoice
Followed by anything drowned in whipped cream
It’s perfect! Almost like a heavenly dream
But then when you think it can’t get any worse
We add exercise, making things more adverse
We jump, and we bend, and we twist, and we strut
Trying to get rid of that butt and that gut
This diet’s eternal, cannot recommend
It seems to go on without any end
The time passed so slowly. It dragged as it went
It’s the longest – TWO DAYS – that we’ve ever spent!!
Poetry At Play 