WEIGHT GAIN DIET PAIN!

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DIET!!! A disgusting four-letter word!

One of the worst that we’ve ever heard

Don’t step on the scales. No, we do not dare

Gain weight in our sleep, and that just isn’t fair

We want to slim down. We want to be fit

We want to wear pants that don’t hurt when we sit

When summer arrives with the sunshine – it’s wrong

To appear, without dieting, in a tight thong

Donuts, and pastries, and cookies, OH MY!

Ice cream desserts and mouthwatering pies

We’d eat them all at our favorite buffet

If only our waistlines, it did not betray

While dieting – food is all we think about

When it finally ends, we are going to pig out!!

“I’ve lost two pounds!” To my wife, I did say

She replied, “Don’t worry. You’ll find them someday.”

We’re feeling light-headed. It must be starvation

We need a cheeseburger to be our salvation

A large side of fries and a soda to go

Do not tell your spouse. They do not need to know

The best thing to do on a diet is CHEAT!

Sneaking around to eat and repeat

Taking great care to ensure you’re not caught

With all of the goodies, you secretly bought

Hide in the car and enjoy a sweet treat

Be sure not to leave any crumbs on the seat

Locked in a closet with your candy stash

Just don’t come out with a chocolate mustache

Dieting is hard. The struggle is real

We’ve cut back each day to only FIVE meals

We’re snippy, and moody, and grouchy, and grumpy

We want mashed potatoes with gravy so lumpy

ALL YOU CAN EAT! Yes! We would like more

There’s pasta and pizza that we just adore

Calories pile up. They stack thick and high

There’s plenty of food to bake, broil, and fry

Celery or bacon? That’s one easy choice

Skip salad for barbeque ribs and rejoice

Followed by anything drowned in whipped cream

It’s perfect! Almost like a heavenly dream

But then when you think it can’t get any worse

We add exercise, making things more adverse

We jump, and we bend, and we twist, and we strut

Trying to get rid of that butt and that gut

This diet’s eternal, cannot recommend

It seems to go on without any end

The time passed so slowly. It dragged as it went

It’s the longest – TWO DAYS – that we’ve ever spent!!