CHRISTMAS IS NEAR! OH, DEAR!

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Christmas time is about to arrive

The test will be if we can survive

Tis the season. HO! HO! HO!

Family is coming. NO! NO! NO!

YES! YES! YES!

They came upon a midnight clear

Car crammed with folks, let’s move from here

They just showed up, no invitation

Joyful spirit – some deflation

Aunt Martha intrudes, and there’s Uncle Bob

And all of their kids, it’s like a huge mob

Where will we put them? This is all wrong

We have no room for an unruly throng

Ornaments are hung on the beautiful tree

The cat tips it over; she’s on a crime spree

House decorated. The lights are in place

Our home can be seen from orbit in space

No bourbon bonbons for dear Uncle Bob

His sobriety is way too easy to rob

Can’t have the candy, no matter the giver

He has a sweet tooth that goes straight to his liver

Children can’t wait for Christmas to come

They believe the North Pole is where all toys are from

They have yet to learn the horrors of shopping

The shocking amount of money we’re dropping

But in the end, we believe they’re deserving

Creating memories that will be worth preserving

An expensive gift for our child, and WE WIN!

But instead, they play with the box it came in

For Santa, they leave milk and cookies, a treat

Homemade with love, extra sugar so sweet

Hypoglycemic the big man is not

With all of those calories – he’s hit the jackpot

Family and loved ones, it’s such a delight

To keep everyone calm and break up all the fights

Aunt Martha unhappy. Uncle Bob has passed out

Third box of candy is what did it, no doubt

Enjoy the season and be of good cheer

But don’t take a shot at the flying reindeer

Better to stick with traditional turkey

Santa is no fan of venison jerky

Moon glistening now on the new-fallen snow

Til the dog is let out because he has to go

Round yellow splotches will quickly appear

It’s better the snow than the carpet in here

The gift-giving starts. It gets worse every year

Open the presents, force a grin ear to ear

Day after Christmas, you’ll take back the crap

Wrong color and size! Want a hat with ear flaps?

Under the mistletoe, you’ll get a kiss

But if it’s your cousin, it’s just a near miss

There’s fussing and fighting and plenty of spite

Step around Uncle Bob he’ll sleep it off overnight

And so Christmas season has come, and it’s gone

As always, we wonder where did it go wrong

We’re all left exhausted, the house full of trash

The dog ended up with some kind of rash

He’s dragging his butt all across our new floor

And that is a difficult thing to ignore

But as always, we hope for better next year

Can it get any worse? That’s my greatest fear!!