***
Thermostat wars! It’s too cold or too hot
Room temperature never does hit the right spot
Conditions fill us with dread and with gloom
Hypothermia! Heatstroke! In the same room!
I sit and sweat while my spouse fights off chills
This epic battle is a true test of wills
Constantly sniping over every degree
We’re both so hard-headed – how can this be?
I’m feeling flushed while my wife’s turning blue
We’re in the same temperature. Boo, hoo, hoo, hoo
My spouse is dramatic as she wheezes and sneezes
How can one fry while the other one freezes?
I’m burnt to a crisp from intense raging heat
Just flip me over like a cooked slab of meat
“I can now see my breath!” My wife is exclaiming
Her frozen discomfort on me she is blaming
I’m down to gym shorts and just a t-shirt
Medical emergency I’d like to avert
Becoming light-headed, a creeping heat rash
A never-ending form of a real-life hot flash
Inside of this igloo wife can’t feel her nose
She’s declaring that frostbite may cost her some toes
While stuck in this sauna, I’m becoming a grouch
I’m sweating profusely, butt stuck to the couch
I fan myself while my wife sits and shakes
She says, “In the living room, I can now see snowflakes!”
We argue and gripe. We moan, and we groan
Delirious, I see Elvis in this tropical zone
We have to agree. We must compromise
But that’s hard to do with sweat in your eyes
My spouse yells, “Never!” through her chattering teeth
Her voice muffled by the thick quilt she’s beneath
It gets even worse when we hop into bed
If my errant cold toe touches my wife, I’m dead
She launches straight up – ricochets round the room
Unusually spry at her age, she can zoom!
But when she comes down, there’s a harsh price to pay
The heat gets turned high, and there it will stay
It does me no good if I sulk, plead, or whine
If we burst into flames – with my spouse, that is fine
So whether it’s January or it is July
The temperature settings are pie in the sky
In summer, wife shivers. In winter, I bake
On this thermostat war, we must hit the brakes!
Poetry At Play 