***
Against my better judgment, I’m willing to share
A public debacle about facial hair
I have a long beard, and that is what matters
At the end of this story, it was all left in tatters
On a blustery, cold day, I stopped to buy gas
It would freeze your YOU KNOW WHAT OFF if the monkey was brass
Got hit by the wind as I stepped from the car
Zipped up my jacket – just a little TOO FAR!!
Somehow the zipper buried deep in my beard
I wondered how ridiculous I suddenly appeared
The pain was exquisite. It pinched, and it hurt
It was then that I caught a brief glimpse of a skirt
With my chin yanked down, I could just barely see
A curious woman looking right back at me
From the other side of the pump – she stared
There was nothing to say. We neither one dared
But then everything took a turn for the worse
She pulled out her phone from inside her purse
Taking great care, she aimed it at me
I tugged on the zipper but could not break free
Back into my car, I dejectedly climbed
I bet you were hoping that this would have rhymed
Had no choice but to extract all the hair
Situations like this, I assume are quite rare
The zipper held tight, it did not come loose
I struggled and struggled, but it was no use
Strand by strand, I pulled the hair out
Was mad at myself, and I started to pout
But the very worst part of this episode
Was the way that I knew my wife would unload
If she ever found out just what I had done
She’d hold nothing back and have great gobs of fun
My spouse was convinced that my long beard was dire
Did not want to pour gas on that smoldering fire
If she was to learn how the zipper had caught
There’d be no hesitation to share what she thought
Facial hair! What a painful distraction
Driving, I hoped to avoid wife’s reaction
Decided it best not to utter a word
My spouse could not gloat if she never heard
But when I walked through the open front door
My wife was waiting, I could not ignore
The look on her face, somehow she’d found out
A mysterious thing, but there was no doubt
She held out her phone and smiled as she said,
“A woman took video of your downturned head
And then she posted the whole thing online.”
I started to grumble, I started to whine
My spouse continued, “Viral, it’s gone
You should read the comments it spawns.”
Secret was out – wife said with elation
“OH, SWEETIE!! YOU ARE AN INTERNET SENSATION!!”
Poetry At Play 