Something is wrong down south of the border
Feels like your insides are all out of order
Internal thunder fills you with great fear
DIARRHEA!! OH NO! Hope a bathroom is near!
Montezuma’s revenge, the runs, and the trots
No matter the name, you’re tied up in knots
Your bottom, your backside, your bum, and your booty
Fanny, hindquarters, keister, patootie
This just cannot happen in particular places
Like riding an elevator crowded with faces
During rush hour traffic that’s bumper to bumper
When you’re feeling bloated. You’ve never felt plumper!
OR WHILE –
Attending a funeral for someone who passed
Digestive distress means attendees are gassed
Riding a Ferris wheel or on a ski lift
Hot air balloon ride. Hope your innards don’t shift
Greasy food slides down your pipe oh so smooth
But it’s backing up now, has you on the move
You’ll need a CORK if you want it to stop
Or you’re going to have to jump, skip and hop
No time to hesitate. You must rush in haste
It’s a matter of good timing, no seconds to waste
Can’t fight with a zipper or even a belt
You’re smelling the worst smell that you’ve ever smelt
Break into a sprint, “Get out of my way!”
You’re going to need lots of air freshener spray
Hit the bathroom door – Good Lord! It’s locked tight!
OCCUPIED!! Start tap dancing. Oh, what a sight!
Since your cranky colon is giving you grief
There is no doubt that you need quick relief
Meds are created in the great laboratories
Pills, and liquids, and, of course, SUPPOSITORIES!
Your internal faucet will soon be turned off
But you won’t take a chance. You will not dare cough
Disaster could result from the slightest small strain
And open the floodgates like a burst water main!
The hiney hijinks will soon come to an end
Your delicate system will be on the mend
Once calm is restored, nachos are back on your plate
Order extra jalapenos so that you can tempt fate!!