Something is wrong down south of the border

Feels like your insides are all out of order

Internal thunder fills you with great fear

DIARRHEA!! OH NO! Hope a bathroom is near!

Montezuma’s revenge, the runs, and the trots

No matter the name, you’re tied up in knots

Your bottom, your backside, your bum, and your booty

Fanny, hindquarters, keister, patootie

This just cannot happen in particular places

Like riding an elevator crowded with faces

During rush hour traffic that’s bumper to bumper

When you’re feeling bloated. You’ve never felt plumper!


Attending a funeral for someone who passed

Digestive distress means attendees are gassed

Riding a Ferris wheel or on a ski lift

Hot air balloon ride. Hope your innards don’t shift

Greasy food slides down your pipe oh so smooth

But it’s backing up now, has you on the move

You’ll need a CORK if you want it to stop

Or you’re going to have to – jump, skip and hop

No time to hesitate. You must rush in haste

It’s a matter of good timing, no seconds to waste

Can’t fight with a zipper or even a belt

You’re smelling the worst smell that you’ve ever smelt

Break into a sprint, “Get out of my way!”

You’re going to need lots of air freshener spray

Hit the bathroom door – Good Lord! It’s locked tight!

OCCUPIED!! Start tap dancing. Oh, what a sight!

Since your cranky colon is giving you grief

There is no doubt that you need quick relief

Meds are created in the great laboratories

Pills, and liquids, and, of course, SUPPOSITORIES!

Your internal faucet will soon be turned off

But you won’t take a chance. You will not dare cough

Disaster could result from the slightest small strain

And open the floodgates like a burst water main!

The hiney hijinks will soon come to an end

Your delicate system will be on the mend

Once calm is restored, nachos are back on your plate

Order extra jalapenos so that you can tempt fate!!

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