NEVER WEIGH ON TURKEY DAY!

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Thanksgiving is here, we’ve been waiting all year

Waistlines explode as we fill with good cheer

Family, and loved ones, and friends all around

Everyone’s going to pick up a few pounds

Turkey and stuffing and gravy and yams

All of the food we can possibly cram

Into ourselves, til it seems we’ll explode

From all of the calories that have overflowed

Potatoes, and green beans, and cranberry sauce

But if there are no giblets, it’s not a great loss

We’ll eat the corn and the rest of the meal

But we want dessert because it makes us squeal

(New cadence alert!)

Pecan pie, apple pie, pumpkin pie, OH MY!

Sweet taste, without haste headed for butts and thighs

(Whew!)

Leftover vittles, there have to be tons

We’ll eat it and eat it til December comes

Roast turkey, fried turkey, and turkey croquettes,

Turkey soup, turkey clubs, even turkey nug-gets, (Let’s just go with it)

We gobble so much that we stand up and wobble

The cholesterol leaves my mind in a boggle

Who cares if today, we eat all the wrong things

There’s no end to the joy that gluttony brings

I ate and ate for more than an hour

So much for the illusion of having willpower

I’m bulging, ballooning, my clothes will not fit

I can’t even cross my legs when I sit

I loosen my belt to increase circulation

Good Lord! It’s so good to ease my inflation

I can now feel my feet and my tingling toes

I’ll just need suspenders to hold up my clothes

This holiday feast was such a delight

But mirror reflections will give us a fright

The bird bloat has caused our diets to fail

We won’t have the nerve to step up on the scale

I’m so tired from chewing, I can’t eat a bite

Take away what is left, get it out of my sight

The meal is done, it’s time for a nap

I sadly stare down at the size of my lap

How could I ever have eaten so much

Oh well, tomorrow there’s turkey for lunch!!