There’s a sinister word that fills us with dread
It usually occurs after we’ve been well fed
CONSTIPATION!!! Oh no! The horror it brings!
Makes you grumpy, and cranky, and other bad things
The cramping, and bloat, and the gathering gas
You hope against hope that something will pass
Your insides are concrete. You need quick relief
Should’ve had salad – not BBQ beef!
There’s shortness of breath with your eyes bulging out
Could you die on the throne? Of that, there’s no doubt
The suffering is relentless. You squirm, and you sweat
Try for relief, butt (!) a whistling fart’s all you get
It’s humbling to sit with your pants to your knees
Wishing you hadn’t eaten all of that cheese
Because roughage and fiber your diet is missing
Air is escaping from you, sounds like hissing!
The pressure builds up til you think it will blow
How many days can you go with NO GO?
Not a world record to be broken by you
No bathroom fame for your “number two”!
So now a laxative you’re forced to take
Something must give! The logjam must break!
Becoming lightheaded from grunting and straining
All of this because your colon needs draining!
Then with one mighty push, sun peeks through the clouds
The heavens open up, making you feel so proud
The dam has now broken! Gruesome sounds fill the room
There are rumbles and grumbles followed by a loud BOOM!!!
It has finally happened. You are unblocked!
You can celebrate now! Your bowels are unlocked!!!
Do your happy dance. Feeling light on your feet
Toss confetti in the air. Victory feels so sweet!!
It was a struggle. You were jumping through hoops
In a superhuman effort to produce a small poop
So now you have read all the way to the end
You appreciate great literature when it is penned!