WHACK EM AND STACK EM! ALL SPIDERS MUST DIE!

***

Spiders, I hate them I want to make clear

Fill me with dread, when they sneak up and appear

They’re creepy and scary, welcome they’re not

I really don’t like them, and I mean a lot

It’s my job to kill them; my wife is much braver

Still, I try to come to the rescue and save her

A spider shows up, and my spouse thinks it’s fun

She believes it is cute the way I jump and run

To go get the weapon that I use the most

Tennis racket is best, I do not want to boast  

With my eyes shut so tight, I swing wild at the pest

But I don’t even come close to our unwanted guest

The critter is huge, he’s the size of a DIME!

I swing, I swat til I commit a small crime

Missing the spider, I hit an antique

In an instant, my future turns out to be bleak

My wife yells, “Please stop! That is more than enough!”

Mad as can be, she is now in a huff

Grabs swatter smacks spider until it is dead

Drops it in trash and starts shaking her head

It’s humbling to have my spouse win the day

As I slink off to put my racket away

But when spiders arrive, she’s not always on hand

So that means that I have to be in command

I was driving alone on the way home from work

Sun was so bright that it made my eyes hurt

Lowered the visor, and what did I see

A gigantic black spider, staring right back at me!

My heart almost stopped, and my throat became tight

It was suddenly a case of fight or take flight

Traffic on four sides, there’s nowhere to go

We glared at each other, just me and my foe

Then suddenly it happened!! My worst fear came true

The spider jumped forward right out of the blue

With eight hairy legs, he leaped onto my lap

Without even thinking, I started to slap

Let’s pause –

This was an event I had never foreseen

Where I’d hit myself THERE and make myself scream

Situation demanded a swift and prompt action

So there’d be no car wreck from this awful distraction

It gets worse –

I’m flailing away while howling in pain

Other motorists look over and think I’m insane

But the spider eventually met its demise

The agony, however, made tears fill my eyes

I drove to my house, breathing in a short gasp

Met the wife at the door my voice was a rasp

Taking small baby steps, swollen and sore

She said, “I’m glad you’re home. I have a small chore.”

Pulled my tennis racket from behind her back

“Big spider inside, would you give it a whack?”