WITHOUT A DOUBT, I’M BUGGING OUT!

***

“Camping is fun!” My wife said with glee.

I couldn’t believe she was talking to me.

It takes place outdoors, where the critters all live

That in itself was a reason to give

For staying at home with the AC and cable

Not smacking at ants on a small picnic table

The heat, and the wind, and the dirt, and the sun

Made roughing it sound like boatloads of fun

We set up our tent and unpacked our gear

Bravely I faced a weekend of fear

Hornets, and beetles, and wasps, and more

Because we abandoned the great INDOORS.

Against my will, spent the day at the lake

I thought it was awful, my wife thought it great

Supposed to be roughing it, unspoken rule

Squashing mosquitoes was far less than cool

But as evening came on, the insects grew larger

They seemed to be focused on me, an old codger

When it comes to winged creatures, I’m just a beginner

So bugs zeroed in thinking I was their dinner

To them, I appeared as a scrumptious buffet

Kept swinging and swatting to keep them at bay

I was annoyed, not expecting disaster

The insects were buzzing around even faster

Sadly I happened to yawn deep and long

That was when something went desperately wrong

Out in the wild, I had made a mistake

A wide-open mouth, bugs don’t hesitate

A fierce flying beetle flew straight down my throat!

It only took seconds, I started to croak

The ghastly insect went way down my pipe

Both eyes bulged out must have been quite a sight

My wife looked on in total amazement

Wishing she had a husband replacement

Coughing, and gagging, and retching, OH MY!

In front of my eyes, my life passing by

My stomach was churning I had to take flight

I jumped from my seat and ran off in the night

I expelled the invader skip the gruesome details

Staggering back, I was shaken and pale

There to meet me, the love of my life

Smirk on her face, words cut like a knife

My insides were aching, so sore, and I hurt

Smiling, my wife said, “You want some dessert?”